Never Trust a Saiyan (CH. 1: Namek's Premonition)
by Pryonisys
Summary: Everyone can feel a terrible power coming. In the meantime, Goku uses eBay and the others go about their (not so) normal lives.


Never Trust a Saiyan, Chapter One  
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"Yo wazzup, dawg?" Goku asked his friend, Krillan.  
  
"What up in da hood, yo?" Krillan bounced back.  
  
"I wuz in da ghetto gettin wasted with Freeza."  
  
"Word, he knows how to get down, yo." A smile spread across Krillan's face.  
  
"Yo, man do you feel somethin'?" Inquired Goku. "It feels like a power even greater than Cell's, Gohan's, or my own."  
  
"No."  
  
"Dude, I must be really trashed."  
  
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Piccolo was flying through space on his way home to Namek. He was homesick and sober.  
  
"I hate my parents," he thought, "I can't believe they named me Piccolo. And then they wondered why I went out and killed all those people. That will teach them to laugh at my name. Fools. I always hated Chemistry class, too."  
  
Piccolo stopped in his flight. "Wait, I suddenly feel an enormous power! Argh!"  
  
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Gohan was sitting at home with his mother, Chi-Chi, when he felt a disturbance in the force.  
  
"Mother, I have to take my leave of this place," he told her.  
  
"No, you sit down and study your chemistry this instant. No son of mine is going to go flying off when he should be studying. You need chemistry to be successful in your future endeavors."  
Chi-Chi screamed back at him.  
  
"But mom, I need chemistry for my future about as much as you need astrophysics for yours."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean? You will sit and be a good little boy right now. Learn, dammit." Chi-Chi glowered at him.  
  
Gohan backed away, scared his mother was drunk and would beat him again. "Well, it's just that a simple housewife doesn't have much need for any science." Her face grew red and she raised a frying pan that she had been cooking bacon on. She quickly flung it through the air at him.  
  
"I, uh, I have to go," Gohan said, wiping hot grease from his forehead. "You have no understanding of the role of universal importance that I, alone, play." He picked up a piece of bacon and flew out of the window, munching.  
  
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King Kai and Dente fell in love. They ran off to Vermont to get married.  
  
Bolma was depressed because she loved both of them. So, she got wasted and tried to kill herself. However, Bolma-from-the-future came back and saved Bolma just before she committed suicide. Bolma-from-the-future told Bolma it was okay that King Kai and Dente fell in love because in the future she will fall in love with a wonderful woman and they will live happily in a trailer park. When she wants to have children, Bolma-from-the-future told her, Vegeta will be a sperm donor. Bolma will name her child Polypropoline and he will have his father's eyes and arrogance.  
  
Bolma was happy and decided not to kill herself. Bolma-from-the-future went back to the future.  
  
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Vegeta screamed, "I WILL DESTROY YOU!"  
  
"You are detestable," Cell replied. "Allow me to become perfect and I will show you a true challenge."  
  
"Will you then be a worthy opponent, you pathetic weakling?"  
  
"I shall. Oh, I shall."  
  
Trunks interjected, "No father! Do not let Cell take advantage of your weakness. Your arrogance clouds your mind."  
  
A sudden noise cracked like thunder. A split appeared in the sky. The blueness and clouds shattered, revealing a dark porthole from the dead zone. Garlic Jr popped out holding a bong in one hand and some "special" brownies in the other.  
  
"Dude, you gotta try this. It'll really expand your mind," Garlic Jr mumbled.  
  
Cell took a hit and said, "Wow, man."  
  
Trunks ate a brownie and declared, "I'll see you later man, I suddenly got the munchies. Gotta go to a gas station and pick up some Doritos." Trunks flew away like a bird on the wind.  
  
Vegeta looked around in confusion. "You are slow and weak, all of you," he said.  
  
Cell fell on his side, giggling and attempting to spill out the words, "You're funny."  
  
"Stop geeking out, you fool. I cannot kill you this way." Vegeta rumbled.  
  
"hehehehehe"  
  
"Grrrrrr. You vex me so. Your silliness is degrading to me. Curse you!" Vegeta growled and stormed off, leaving Cell in a frenzy of laughter.  
  
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"How long do you think it'll take for my Britney Spears wall clock to come?" Goku asked Krillin. "I ordered it on eBay six weeks ago and it still hasn't come."  
  
"Man, that sucks. Those people are always slow."  
  
"This must be the doing of a villain."  
  
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Next time, on Dragonball Z... Goku gets his wall clock. But he gets more than he bargained for. Is the world ready? Be sure to tune in for the next exciting episode of Dragonball Z.  
  
  
  
Author's note: This is a satirical look at both Dragonball Z and its fanfiction. There will be a sequel soon. Also, I'd like to know how I'm doing, so I'd appreciate any responses, possitive or negative. Please leave me one.  
  



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